Friends are forever although sometimes they disappear for seasons, especially when they start a new relationship, and then return with a broken heart. And what can we do? Nothing, if you have to love your friends the same, just as they are, even if they are one of those friends who distance themselves when they find a boyfriend. If you are one of those people who disappear when they find a boyfriend or if you have a friend like that, this interests you.
The friend who disappears when she has a boyfriend
- Disappearing when you find a boyfriend can happen to you in the first person or you can be the collateral damage of that budding relationship. At first nothing happens, there is no reason to be alarmed, unless the situation lasts for a long time. Why do we say this?
- Because when you fall in love, you live excitedly in that splendid, happy and wonderful bubble of life. That bubble is created by you and your crush so why let anyone else in? It is not going to be that someone dares to open your eyes accidentally and dismantle your fabulous magical life. Besides, do you really want to hang out with your girlfriends when you can stay under the covers all day with your new boyfriend?
- You would be crazy if you missed the opportunity to get out of your bubble of happiness. You already know that this has an expiration date, at least the high you have, so take advantage of it. Whether it happens to you or to one of your friends, everyone understands and understands that when you fall in love you tend to disappear from public life. But be careful, we are talking about two months at the most. If you spend more time missing and if you refuse to resume contact with your friends, something happens. Something that is not healthy.
Why do friends distance themselves when they find a partner?
- You will not be the first or the last person who spends time in a relationship and falls out of the group of friends. Do you know why this situation occurs?
- In most cases it is a dependency problem. Dependent relationships not only occur as a couple, but also between friends. Maybe you are emotionally dependent on a person, first your friend and then your boyfriend. If so, it is normal that your whole life revolves around that person and that you do not leave room for more. Now that you have a boyfriend it seems that this person is all you need in your life. Don’t kid yourself, because you still need your friends.
- Other times it is an unhealthy way of understanding relationships. It is true that when you find a partner your routines are altered and you have to change some customs. But you cannot reduce your life to your life as a couple. Now you have to share your time with one more person, so surely you will have to stop doing some things with your friends. But not all of them, you don’t have to stop seeing your friends except those first few weeks when you suffer from crush fever.
- It cannot be ruled out that the disappearance occurred for even more alarming reasons. In toxic relationships, a high degree of dependency is created and if your boyfriend (or a friend’s boyfriend) is a narcissist or a manipulator, he will do everything possible to distance you from your social and family group. When a person is alone and has no one to compare reality with, they are more easily manipulated.
- There is another reason why you can distance yourself from your friends when you find a partner and that is that your boyfriend does not like your friends. Or that your friends don’t like your boyfriend, which in the case is the same. But this is a problem that is difficult to solve and in which you will have to learn to juggle emotionally but that has nothing to do with dependency, low self-esteem or toxic relationships.
The danger of leaving your friends for your boyfriend
- As you can see, we are talking about reasons for distancing that can be quite dangerous, so you have to be very careful, whether it happens to you or to your friend. If it’s your friend, the hard part is letting her know that she’s putting herself in a risky situation and that she’s putting herself in a very vulnerable position. Is there anything you can do?
- Above all, do not believe that she is a bad friend for distancing herself when she finds a boyfriend. And while that distance lasts, you have to let her know that you will be there by her side, before and after, that she can take the time she needs, but that you will be there for whatever. Don’t give up on her and, even if she doesn’t want to stay, keep sending her messages so that she keeps you in mind.
- And what if it’s about you? What if you are the one who distances yourself every time you start a relationship? Let us advise you, please, let us tell you that love is much more enjoyable when it is shared, when you can share your happiness with your friends and family. When you share it, happiness increases, so don’t limit yourself to being happy only as a couple.
- Maybe you think your boyfriend is adorable and not some evil being trying to manipulate you. And it sure is. The danger does not come only from a toxic boyfriend, but from a toxic relational dynamic that is when you isolate yourself from the world and reduce it to life as a couple. We need the support of others and others need our support. There is life beyond the couple and that does not diminish the intensity of your love story at all.
Friendship and love: there is room for everyone
- Can’t you enjoy a happy couple relationship and your friends? You can, of course. And it must.
- There is room for everyone in your heart, you’ll see. If it has happened to you before that you have disappeared from social life because of your partner, try something different this time. Don’t distance yourself, don’t disappear, and don’t stop doing what you like, being with the people who love you, those who have been there before your love appeared.
- Because if you want the relationship to go well this time, if what you are looking for is a happy couple, the best thing you can do is maintain your individuality, your essence, your personality, your world and your own space. The appearance of your boyfriend does nothing but expand your world, do not let it reduce it. Because there is room for love and friendship.
- There is also room for the family, for your work, for your hobbies, for your courses, for your projects, for your moments of solitude… There is room and time for everything if you do not insist that love be exclusive. Which never is. Love includes, love expands, and love makes you fly higher, because what it is to fly, you should already be flying before you meet your boyfriend.